Is Love at First Sight Possible?

It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.
-Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Many Americans do. In a survey of over 5000 singles on Match.com, Dr. Helen Fisher (2011) found that 54% of men and 44% of women reported they have experienced love at first sight.

In fact, according to research by Dr. Stephanie Ortigue, the rush of brain stimulation can lead to feelings of “love” as quickly as .2 seconds of visual contact with a love interest! Feelings of euphoria, elation, excitement, curiosity with a hyper focus on the person seem to quickly occupy a person’s body and experience.

Is It Really “Love” or Something Else?

Philosophically, the question remains: Is love at first sight really love for the other person or something else? Brain-based research in the last decade has helped us understand the mechanics of love and attraction. When someone says they are “in love,” chemicals and hormones from at least 12 specific brain regions are released that trigger feelings of excitement, euphoria, and bonding (such as adrenalin, oxytocin, and dopamine (see Ortigue et al., 2010). Surprisingly, the brain circuitry of love is very similar to what happens in the brain on drugs like cocaine. Truly, it can feel like you’re focused on, desiring, and even addicted to a mate.

Yet, the truth is that love at first sight means by definition an experience someone has before they know anything about the other person. We tend to say we have “fallen in love” during the honeymoon phase of romantic relationships, which occurs early in love when we generally know very little about the other person. It is often described as an instant connection, attraction, or desire for another person as soon as they meet them, sometimes even before they even know the other person’s name!

So, is that love? Well, the answer is it depends on how we define love. On one hand, love at first sight is part of the high-inducing experience characteristic of the early phases of intense romantic love that we think of as lust. On the other hand, love at first sight isn’t representative of the safe, connected, shared experiences of people who really know their mate that is characteristic of attachment. This deeper love requires time, intimacy, and vulnerability to develop over time.

The Naked Truth is This: About half of Americans believe in or have experienced “love at first sight.” When it happens, the feeling is euphoric, exciting, and magically intoxicating. That said, whether this “love”—or really lust—can turn into a meaningful romantic connection is another matter entirely. Finding a way to bond, attach, and connect with a mate is key to a long-term relationship. That connection can start with a spark or develop slowly over time.

Copyright Cortney S. Warren, Ph.D., ABPP

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. I cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet. Best on your continued journey.